Numero Uno.

First time I've EVER posted one of these bad boys, so I'm jsut going to post whats on my mind right this minute.

I've been having a pretty crappy time recently. Shit has indeed, been going down at quite a rapid pace. Primarily, personal problems that I care not to share on the interwebz (which, I am sure, is understandable?) and secondly, problems with my friends (whos names I shall not mention). Actually, I think I'll just start at the beginning of, well, pretty much everything...

I've never EVER been little miss popularity, and really, I've only ever had one friend who has stuck by me for more than a year, or ten for that matter. I've known my best friend for (about) thirteen years and he' stuck by me through thick and thin. For a long while, he was the only friend I actually had. I suffered from bullying to the point where it's actually driven me into depression, and because I'm not one to burden people with my troubles, I'd sink into the depths of my sketchbook or into the dark corners of my bedroom and draw pretty pictures with razorblades.

Then I discovered the wonderous thing that is the internet, and it honestly changed my life. I met people who were in the same boat as me. We'd talk about anything and everything to keep ourselves from self harming again, we'd discuss coping stratorgies or even what we found so damn great about whatever television programme we'd seen or book we'd just read.

Along with my discovery of the interwebz, it took me very little time afterwards to find the glorious nerdy 'Mecca' that is Youtube! Hurrah! Through Youtube I've met some fantastic people who have helped me, probably, without meaning to. Just by talking to me and becomming my friend, they have helped me a hell of a lot. I may not be a master of linguistic skills, but I'm somewhat taleted with a keyboard. I find it a million times easier to type my problems away than i do to verbally express them, but, if i can't find the right words, I'll dig out my sketch book or my camera and create an image to express the way I'm feeling.

I'm not like most people. The majority of the English-speaking world tends to communicte with words, weather it be actual spoken word, written or even sign lanuage, it's still words, and understood by pretty much everyone. I speak, of course, with normal words etc, etc, but also with obscure noises and hand gestures and, occasionally, if I can't find the correct words for something, I either mash the keyboard with my fist/palm/face, or I try to invent words. The reason I do this is because sometimes, I can't speak. I want to, but the words refuse to leave my mouth, like a terrified sky diver from an aeroplane. ("No, NOOOO! I'm not jumping! I AM NOT FUCKING JUMPING!" -pushes- "AAARRRRGHHH! -uncoherant mumblings-". you get the picture?) My favourite word at present is "Piffle". It's beautiful, is'nt it? "Piffle" can be used as a substitute for many words. I am to cover this in a future blog, but for now, I must leave. It's late and I have work in the morning.

Goodnight x